Pet Peeves of the Week:

My top five pet peeves for this week:
1. Drivers who slow down for green lights.  Green means go, a-hole.  Thanks for slowing down to a crawl.  Now we both missed the light.
2. The overly aggressive Spotify pop-up bubble. NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SHARE THIS TRACK.  I am embarrassed that I have listened to it 4 times already today. 
3. The new stupid Facebook timeline feature.  I already have such a like/hate relationship with Facebook.  This may push me over the edge.
4. That my two favorite perfumes ( Marc Jacobs Essence and Scoop Perfume) have both been discontinued.  BOOO!
5.  That it is cold outside.  Really flippin cold.  AND windy.  It's been a mild winter, which makes today all the more difficult to handle.

Caution Exotic Animals

This whole situation makes me sick. 

Poorly Played, Ann Taylor.

These Ann Taylor ads with their new spokesbag Demi Moore make me want to shop at their stores even less than I did before - which was not at all. 

MN State Government Shutdown

The MN State Government Shutdown is now in its thirteenth day.  At first, I selfishly thought to myself: I don't get any type of state assistance, don't work for the government and don't camp or fish, so why should I care?  Good question.  My thoughts have now changed.  I feel bad for state workers out of jobs, etc., etc.  But the real reason I am pissed off is that my commute just got a heck of a lot longer and nastier AND I can no longer get my favorite cheap light beer at the liquor store.  This is garbage.  The governmental idiots in change of this BS left the 394 HOV lane ONLY outbound.  WTF?  Fantastic.  I love bottlenecks.  Speaking of which... MillerCoors is getting booted off the shelves statewide due to some crap paperwork error.  This is a load of garbage.  I can't go back to drinking Bud Light.  It makes me burp.  Come on Minnesota!  Get your act together!

Open Letter

Open letter to my boss -

Thank you for coming in to work this week.  You have made it quite clear to us all that you are (very) sick.  I don't believe you when you say you're not "catchy."  I bet you are.  You haven't been to a doctor, so you don't really know.  You are mopey, cranky, and sound like a dying transvestite that swallowed a cat. 

It's really wonderful sitting across from you while you hack, cough, snot your way through the day.  I love that you keep stealing kleenex off my desk and blowing your nose right in front of me.  It makes me really happy that you keep touching stuff on my desk.  Can't you see that I am being EXTREMELY liberal with my antibacterial hand sanitizer?  Back the eff off.

Do us all a favor and go home.

Sincerely,
The Minneapolist

Cross Country Cab Cruise

Two idiots in NYC offered a cab driver 5k (not including tip) to drive them to LA. Cabs are gross and smell like a mix of pleather, bleach and barf. You couldn't pay me to ride in a cab from NYC to LA.  Okay, maybe you could pay me. . . but it'd have to a heck of a lot more than $5,000.

You can file this under any one of the following headings:
- People are idiots
- Shit I wouldn't do for under 20K
- Stupid human tricks
- Things that are smelly

Oh weird. It's snowing (again).

This is just getting ridiculous.  It's 4/20 for crying out loud. Even this little snow monkey at the Minnesota Zoo is thinking "WTF?!? It's almost May!"

Parking A-holes.

This website, That's Not a Parking Spot, Asshole,  is brilliant.  It neatly expresses why I hate going to Uptown (and parking in Uptown).  I wish I would have better documented the annoying Audi hatchback bitch I used to have to park next to in the loft garage.  She could have been the poster child for this website. 

10 Types of People I Don't Like.

Inspired by Becky Lang's list on The Tangential here are a few types of people I could do without.
1. People who eat with their mouths open.  It's bad manners and it drives me nuts.
2. The s l o o o o w talker.  Comeonspititout. 
3. The faux eater / drinker.  They constantly talk about how hungry they are but as you look at their full plate they have taken maybe two bites.  Pushing the food around on your plate is not the same as putting it in your mouth.  Same thing applies to those special individuals that can magically make 1 drink last for 4 hours.  Seriously?
4. The walk-n-stop.  This applies to malls, sidewalks, grocery stores, paths, moving walkways, etc.  If you need to stop for any reason - whether to dig in your purse, or send a text message, or take a picture, or stare at the sky or whatever - move the eff out of the way.  Treat walking like the left lane of the highway. 
5. People who talk about moving (constantly).  Great, you hate Minneapolis or wherever.  Shut the eff up and move already. 
6. Yoga freaks.  Seriously, I don't care.  CorePower Yoga does not give you spiritual enlightenment or make you a better person.
7. The stoplight breaker. The light is green.  This means you slow down so as to purposefully not make it (thus preventing me from making it).
8. People who repeat themselves.  Really?  We've been talking for 10 minutes and all I've heard you say is: You like my top.  You think I have lost weight.  You love me. None of these things are likely true. Congratulations - you are officially a compliment iPod on repeat.
9. Jesus freaks.
10. Stupid people.

March showers bring. . .

Puddles.  Lots of puddles.  It is raining rather hard in the Minnie Apple today.  It's gloomy and overcast.  The weather is good for sleeping, reading, and having a fire.  It's not so great for going to work or getting anything done. 

I'll take a Large. I mean Venti. I mean Trenta.

This is getting ridiculous.  Just another reason why Caribou Coffee and Dunkin' Donuts are far superior to Starbucks.

Oh weird. It's snowing (again).

File this one under things that are no longer surprising to me: Yep, it's snowing (again....rather heavily) in MN right now.  If we had a few more mountains and a boatload more Mormons I'd swear I was living in Utah.

I Spilled. . .

Today I spilled: 
Item: McDonald's Angus Snack Wrap
Where: In the car. Not sure where it landed.
Damage done: As if I don't feel shitty enough for having Micky D's for lunch - I have to go spill it on myself.  To add insult to food injury, I can't figure out what spilled and where it now is.

Facebook's Most Annoying Users

A couple months ago CNN came out with its "12 Most Annoying Types of Facebookers."  CNN's are as follows:
- The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore: (I am cold. I am bored. I ate Wheaties.)
-  The Self-Promoter: (Me, me, ME. I am so cute/smart/pretty/important and I want to make sure you don't forget it)
- The Friend-Padder: (I am really popular. I have thousands of friends. Have we met?  Consider yourself friended).
- The Town Crier: (You heard it from me first)
- The TMIer: (I am going to tell you WAY too much personal info)
- The Bad Grammarian: (Im soo funnie their is noone moor funny)
- The Sympathy-Baiter: (I am sad and my parrot is sick and my aunt died)
- The Lurker: (I'll never post anything or update my page, but don't think I haven't scoured every inch of yours)
- The Crank: (I think you are an uneducated idiot.  I will correct your post)
- The Paparazzo: (All of those drunk pictures I took of you at the party last weekend... yeah I posted them ALL.  And tagged you.
- The Obscurist: (Time will tell.... You will see.... )
- The Chronic Inviter: (Come to my party.  Play Mafia Wars with me. Take this quiz.  Here is a goat for your Farmville)

To this list, I would like to add the following guaranteed ways to get a "hide" or "block" from me:
- The Food Poster: You post pictures of what you are eating, where you are eating, etc.
- The Super Mom: I get it - you are proud of your progeny. What I don't get is why you think anyone cares about your minute-by-minute updates on their progress or your 3,000 photo albums documenting every breathing moment of their three-month existence. 
- The Checker-In: I don't care where the eff you are right now.  And stop trying to check my ass into places.  I don't have a tracking device on me (that I know of) for a reason.
- The Impersonal Linkster: Great.  You posted 14 YouTube videos today, none of which are actually yours.
- The Political/Religious Poster: I just don't want to hear it. 

Facebook

I joined Facebook a couple years ago.  My feelings for Facebook have played out much like a high school romance.

1. You're cute. I'm curious and intrigued, yet cautious.
2. I like you - I join.  It's like the 2 weeks leading up to prom.  Everything is shiny and exciting.  All I can think about, talk about, do is Facebook.  
3. Prom is over.  The magic is starting to wear off.  I don't care if you poke me, send me a plant for my virtual garden, etc. . . . Though I am still enjoying your embarrassing drunk photos.
4. You are starting to really annoy me.  We should maybe just be friends with no photo-sharing wall-writing privileges.  I spend the next 4 hours turning my profile into Fort Knox. 
5. Time to clean house.  I'm blocking and hiding like crazy.

I hate you, Lindsay Lohan.

Okay, to be fair I don't actually know Lindsay Lohan; she might be a lovely person.  What I do know is that when I headed over to my local grocer for lunch I was hankering for a bottle of Kombucha.  And not the garbage kinds that are on the market right now that taste like watered down Crystal Light.  I want the real deal GT's Kombucha.  Thanks to that idiot GT's Kombucha "magic juice" is still off the market and I am still ticked off.  Seriously.  You are more likely to set off a SCRAM bracelet with a can of Fresca and a bag of Funyons than you are with GT's wondrous cure-all.